The Dark Knight

Hey, did you know there’s a new Batman movie out? I’m serious– it’s in theaters right this very second. (I know! I hadn’t heard anything about it either!) Luckily I have a source deep inside the indie art film scene, who tipped me off about this movie before any real buzz was generated.

Ha ha, of course I’m kidding. Last weekend, I braved the storming masses of acne-riddled comic book dorks to go check out The Dark Knight, along with eleventy billion of my closest friends. And you know what? It was pretty damn good!

And since Christian Bale inexplicably modeled his Batman persona after Clint Eastwood’s “man with no name”, let’s break this movie down Good, Bad, and Ugly style. Aww yeah.

The Good
As far as directors go, Christopher Nolan is the freakin’ Man.  And I don’t mean “The Man” that’s keeping all the black people down either.  Nolan just flat out makes great movies. He took over a franchise that had become laughably terrible in the hands of Tim Burton and [shudder] Joel Schumacher, and completely turned it around. Honestly the guy’s so good, I bet he could turn the Vern Troyer sex tape into an Oscar winner. Maybe “Best Cinematography Featuring a Midget” or something.

Heath Ledger has been getting a metric shit ton of critical acclaim for his portrayal of the Joker, and deservedly so. He was easily the best part of this movie, and stole every scene he was in. His Joker was the perfect blend of “criminal mastermind” and “bat-shit crazy psychopath.” Best Joker Ever. Take that, Matthew Modine!

The action was fantastic. The story was really good. All the supporting actors did a great job. Look, I could go on and on with “The Good” here, but it’s all been hashed and rehashed and then hashed again in other, mo’ better reviews, so there’s no point in me boring you with every single “good” point of the movie. (Despite how routinely you bore the pants off me, Internet.)

The Bad
Honestly, the only thing negative I have to say is that I liked the first one (Batman Begins) a little better. Which isn’t so bad a criticism, really. Here’s a list of some other movies that weren’t as good as Batman Begins:

1. All of them

And sure, I guess there were some plot points that seemed a little unnecessary. (Why was Batman in Hong Kong exactly?) But whatever. If I wanted to do things like “think”, I’d just read books instead of watching movies.

The Ugly
Look, I’m sure Maggie Gyllenhaal is a perfectly good actress. Really. But she just doesn’t do it for me in the eye candy department. Katie Holmes was at least somewhat cute. And you know there’s going to be a third installment. So where do you go after Maggie Gyllenhaal– Sandra Bernhardt? Rosie O’Donnell?? I just don’t know. Luckily the writers were able to “solve” the problem before it got too far out of hand.

Oops. I meant to say “Spoiler Alert” back there. Sorry about that. (Suckers.)

So there it is. GO SEE THE DARK KNIGHT RIGHT NOW!! Then come back here and high-five me because you’re so damn awesome.